Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
