"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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