Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
