good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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