i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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