Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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