I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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