my mouth tastes like poor choices
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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