I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
