Dual....:-)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
