she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He did a backflip because drugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
