one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
