WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
