either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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