why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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