based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
