Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I could fuck to npr.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
