i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
