Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
