He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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