I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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