I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
