You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
