So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
