One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Damn victory sex feels great
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
