she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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