We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
