What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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