i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
