So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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