hotel room ftw
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
