Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
