I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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