I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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