Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize