Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
