I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
