i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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