Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
