Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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