Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
