oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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