And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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