My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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