Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
