Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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