I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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