Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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