the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
