Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
