What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
