My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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