Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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