oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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