I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
