Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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