Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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