I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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