I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
did you just send me my own nude
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
