i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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