This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
