the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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