I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
3pm strippers are depressing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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