About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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