when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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