Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
