You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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