Umm I'm too high to move.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
