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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
