i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize