my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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