i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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