Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
